TOPIC: Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (PLEASE HELP ME IMPROVE IT)

The booming of science and technology in recent years makes people indifferent and selfish. This is the main reason why people claim that the best way or at least the most effective way to solve this problem is honoring traditional wisdom, virtues, and beliefs. In this essay, I would discuss this opinion carefully and objectively before drawing on a rational conclusion.
On the one hand, the modern lifestyle is responsible for various negative effects. First and foremost, people nowadays have a fast-paced life with devoting too much time to work, which results in the fact that children who live in these families receive inadequate parental guidance. As a result, these children cannot distinguish right from wrong as well as develop bad behaviors. Second, modern belief systems highly value success based on how much money a person can make. In other words, when elder people have retired and cannot earn money; hence, young people can stop respecting them at the same time. Undoubtedly, this lifestyle is a terrible mindset, a money-oriented mindset, that needs to be corrected immediately.
On the other hand, traditional wisdom and beliefs can lead to many positive effects. Firstly, traditional values show the need to honor good behaviors. Indeed, while the modern lifestyle favors the throw-away culture when cultural identities belong to the past to be able to fall into oblivion and vanish into thin air easily, traditional values praise good behaviors and characteristics, making people well-rounded. Secondly, traditional cultures, such as songs or poems, encourage people to live in harmony with others to co-build a cohesive society. Apparently, traditional artworks are key to infusing moral lessons into individuals with tremendous ease, and individuals who gain a deep understanding of traditional artworks can distinguish between good things and bad things, which can result in a real-life scenario where people can co-exist and develop.
For the reasons mentioned above. I firmly believe that people should cherish, love, and honor traditional beliefs and wisdom because they are timeless virtues that are strongly relevant in modern society.

Nguyen Tri NhanTOPIC: Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (PLEASE HELP ME IMPROVE IT)

The topic is quite well written. It really does not need improvement. What is your suggestion?

Your request (PLEASE HELP ME IMPROVE IT) is incorrect, and sentences written all capital letters are rude. It means that you are yelling at us.

Consider these three sentences.

1) Please help me to carry my bags ( You carry the bags, but I assist you. )
2) Please carry my bags. (I carry the bags for you. )
3) Please help me by carrying my bags. (If I carry your bags, it will be good for you.)

1) Please help me to review and evaluate my essay. (You review your essay, but I assist. The web site does not allow this.)
2) Please review and evaluate my essay. ( I review your essay and give you feedback. )
3) Please help me by reviewing and evaluating my essay. (I review your essay and give you feedback. That will help you.)

The booming of science and development of electronic communications and internet technology in recent years makes has made people indifferent and selfish. This is the main reason why people claim that the best way or at least the most effective way to solve this problem is honoring traditional wisdom, virtues, and beliefs. In this essay, I would discuss this opinion carefully and objectively before drawing on a rational conclusion.

That is not a good sentence for a Task 2 essay.

Never mention your essay.

The examiner knows that you are going to write about this subject. Do not tell the examiner what they already know. Instead write a thesis statement: the main point of your essay.

In this essay, there is a prompt: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your thesis statement answers the prompt. Use an adverb of extent in your answer.

For example:
I totally disagree with them, because it is impossible to go back to these historical times.
I completely agree with them because we can teach our children to respect their elders and honor traditions.
I somewhat agree with them. Even though it is unacceptable to discard our smartphones and tear down the internet, we can still learn to be more civil to each other, honor our ancestors and share what we have.



On the one hand, the modern lifestyle is responsible for various negative effects. First and foremost, people nowadays have a fast-paced life, with devoting too much time to work, which results in the fact that children who live in these families receive inadequate parental guidance. As a result, these children cannot distinguish right from wrong as well as and they develop bad behaviors. Second, modern belief systems highly value success, which is based on how much money a person can make. In other words, when elder people have retired and cannot earn money, ; hence, (The first part of the sentence is a dependent clause, not a main clause. Use the semicolon after a main clause..) young people can stop respecting them at the same time. Undoubtedly, the consequence of this lifestyle is a terrible mindset, (A mindset is not a lifestyle - it is their attitudes, not what they do.) a money-oriented mindset, and that needs to be corrected immediately.


On the other hand, traditional wisdom and beliefs can lead to many positive effects. Firstly, First, traditional values show the need to honor good behaviors. Indeed, while the modern lifestyle favors the throw-away culture when cultural identities belong to the past to be able to fall into oblivion (You have lost control of the sentence structure. It has gone off track. It is ungrammatical) and vanish into thin air easily, traditional values praise good behaviors (You just wrote this. It is repetitive. ) and characteristics, making people well-rounded. Secondly, Second, traditional cultures, such as songs or poems, (A song is not a culture. Neither is a poem) songs, such as "??t n??c tr?n ni?m vui (Our country's joy is complete)" encourage people to live in harmony with others to build co-build a cohesive society. Apparently, (Not the right word) traditional artworks are key to infusing moral lessons into individuals with tremendous ease, and individuals who gain a deep understanding of traditional artworks can distinguish between good things and bad things, which can result in a real-life scenario where people can co-exist and develop. (Please give a specific example. What artwork do you mean? And what does this artwork represent in terms of good and evil? For example: Vietnamese silk painting shows ideal country landscapes with mountains and pagodas and scenes of everyday life. )


For these reasons (Do not use "mentioned". Use demonstrative adjectives. That is what they are for.) mentioned above. I firmly believe that people should cherish, love, and honor traditional beliefs and wisdom because they are timeless virtues that are strongly relevant in modern society.